The Mind

Posted By
4/2/2014 9:54pm
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Replies: 5

You know, I keep thinking there might be a time when every ache & pain doesn't bring me to my knees grappled with fear. My mind is my worst enemy. Once you have melanoma, it is part of your mindset. I realize that for my entire adult life, I live in this state if acute awareness that my body does not function like everyone else's. It's kind of sad:( I realize that I'm not like other people my age.
Isabell

KMick - (4/2/2014 - 11:45pm)

I hear you!  Of all the things I miss the most it's my piece of mind.  Although I am extremely thankful for my outcome and hope my good health remains it's the constant worry that every cough, ache or pain could be the return on melanoma and my untimely death.  I suppose I need to remind myself to be thankful for each day that I wake up and am able to take in the day.  Recently I was able to take my son to the DMV to get his Drivers License, which was awesome.  Basically everyday since my diagnosis is an "I get to day".  I get to do something that I need to appreciate because when I was first diagnosed my future was very uncertain. That said, I do wish the worry would go away but this is the "new normal" and I am thankful to be alive to whine about it!  :) 

Anonymous - (4/3/2014 - 5:32am)

It is sad.  I look at pictures of myself from prior to diagnosis and realize I've never been the same person since and never will be again; mostly because the peace of mind/innocence, happy go lucky, etc. . is gone forever

kpcollins31 - (4/3/2014 - 10:38am)

Don't let it defeat you. I understand the feelings especially now that I am stage 4... if I cough, my wife is worried about lung mets. If I have a headache... brain mets. If I have a stomach ache... intestine/liver mets. All of these things could happen, but I will not let my life be determined by what-ifs. This experience should teach all of us how to better appreciate today.

Kevin

  

Everymoment - (4/3/2014 - 9:20pm)

I keep trying to fill my head with different things.....like what other people might think about. Maybe picking up a new hobby. People who have never had cancer get to live with worry free minds. They think about fun things......
Isabell

tcell - (4/4/2014 - 2:36pm)

Hi,

I really don't know if this helps. I have only been diagnosed with stage IV a few weeks ago but what I am trying is in the first place to see myself still as the person I was before and to accept myself with this horrific "addon" as good as I can. So far this wroks sometimes better, sometimes it does not work at all but I am trying. You ARE like other people your age as the important thing about you is not your illness but your person and your character.

I also find it very helpful to try an find more spirtuality in life, come to terms with what seems to be my fate and try to get the best out of it.

I think you can even have an advantage over those other people: You probably see life differently, you know how much a moment can be worth, you really appreciate things more, etc...

I agree that melanoma has to become part of your mindset but I don't want it to become the dominating part!