Posted By
11/2/2017 12:58am
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Replies: 3

Hey, I am new to MRF, and melanoma in general. I am not the one with melanoma. It would be my boyfriend or s.o.. Eight years ago I found a circular-ish spot on the top side of his buttcheeck. To keep his information private (his request) we can call him John Smith. I begged him to get the spot checked out by a doctor but he refused. John does not go to the doctors unless he feels like he's dying so it is nearly impossible for me to talk him into going... I kept an eye on the spot and did a thorough check of his entire body quite often after that, and not much changed over the years. Unfortunately, after 5 years we split up. We split up for almost 3 years. We recently just got back together. This man has my heart. I found more spots, bigger spots, darker spots and a few spots he didnt even know he had. I'm worried that it is cancer and I'm even more worried that it metastasized into different organs. And heres why I am so worried.

1) I do not know much about melanoma, but what I do know is that every picture that shows melanoma is exactly what his "spots" look like.
2) There is more than one now, more than 2, but possibly under 10.
3) There is a spot on his scalp, back of the neck, buttcheeck, and his leg.
4) Its been 8 years and he is still refusing to see a doctor. However, i am going to go to his father who is the only person that can get through to him.
5) We have 2 children under the age of 10.

I am currently reading and reading and reading. Can some one please help me to understand melanoma and how it works after it spreads?

Thanks all,

Call me star!

~love hard, Tessa~

Tessastar23 - (11/2/2017 - 1:19am)

I am very sorry some of my information is messy due to lack of sleep and i do not have the greatest memory so I have to ask him questions so I'm relying on most of the history information on him. it's 130 in the morning here and i have not had much sleep for a couple days. I am terrified that I'm gong to lose him. He's my S.O., my children's father, my best friend, honestly, he is my everything. During the years that we split apart, i worried everyday about his "spot" but there was nothing I could do. I didnt even date anyone else during that time period. Ive never seen myself without him, and i never want to. I do not knowmuch about melanoma, so I need as much help as I can get.

~love hard,


Anonymous - (11/2/2017 - 12:17pm)

Hi Tessa,

sorry for this  but the only way to know what these spots are to get them checked out asap by dermatologist or melanoma specialist.If your partner is unwilling to do that I am affraid there is no way you would know from asking on Internet.The only way to know is to see a doctor and get these spots checked out/biopsied.Best of luck to you and John.

Anonymous - (11/2/2017 - 8:27pm)

Pretty unlikely all these spots are melanoma.  In general, melanoma would spread inward, not on different areas of the skin unless they are in the lymph chain.  i.e. a melanoma on the ankle could have skin lesions "in transit" up the leg.  Have you also googled seborrheic keratosis?  They also look a lot like melanoma but are totally benign.  They usually have a different surface that make it easy for derms to differentiate.  Given all the different locations, that is a possibility.  My father had melanoma but also had many SKs that looked an awful lot like melanoma but were totally benign.  Just a thought.

One thing you might do if you can't get him to go to the doctor - take pictures of all these lesions.  If they "evolve" - change - grow - that is the time to really push to see a doc.   Change is the most important factor in my book.  Given the fact that he has multiple lesions that look similar, again that wouldn't be typical for melanoma.  Most people only have 1 skin lesion, not many. 

None of us can diagnose by just a description or picture - all we can do is give you ideas and possibilities.  Everyone here will say get it checked out, because everyone here has dealt with melanoma.  But remember not every suspicious lesion is melanoma!