Its 4am

Posted By
5/15/2018 3:51am
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Replies: 6

Hi everyone! I'm having difficulty navigating the site so I hope I made it to the right place! I'm up nursing my 2 month old.
I guess I'm posting here because they all the diagnosis and scans and surgery I feel like I've lost touch with the seriousness of a this. The doctors remain positive and that is their job, my family remains uneducated. The shock of the whole thing has worn off and I feel like I'm walking around convincing ppl that this is serious. And maybe it's with off on me... I realize the statistics have changed over the years and aren't valid..
I think I just need to be told by people who are in this that my fears are valid... I feel like I'm being meladramatic with my fear...
I think I just feel alone sometimes and sometimes I feel like I'm making a mountain of of a mole hill. Pun intended.
Oh I'm a mom of 2, son is 2, daughter is 2 months... Daughter was born prematurely to allow my surgery to happen. Stage 3b melanoma.

iskitwo - (5/15/2018 - 10:18am)

Your worries are defiantly valid!! I am a mother of 2 that are 5 and 9 and it is very scary when you know you still have a family to take care of. I have had people tell me "don't worry it's JUST skin cancer"! I have family members that just now realize how serious this can get now that I have moved to stage 4. Take care of yourself and stay on top of your treatment plan. It is important for you to stay healthy and positive for your babies! Just wondering if you have started any adjuvant treatment?


Newmanbell - (5/15/2018 - 11:05am)

I don't have much to offer other than my heart aches for you both.  My husband found out he is Stage 3b January 2017.  I still feel like I am living in a fog.  My friends as well did not realize the severity and I am just sad nightly seeing him so tired from the fatigue brought on from Opdivo.  Hugs to all that are going through this and feel free to vent on this site.  We all get it...


Anonymous - (5/16/2018 - 7:05am)

You are definitely in the right place! Yes, this is serious... yes, your fears are valid, especially with your beautiful little children to think of. No, you're not being melodramatic - I challenge anyone to get a melanoma diagnosis, educate themselves and then not feel fearful on some level for the future.  Can you access counselling? I ask that because in my view the mental side of melanoma is as tough as the physical. the unknowns, the fears, the irony that you LOOK perfectly healthy and functioning but may not be. Anyway, you are not alone and its important to acknowledge that while your situation is serious, you are alive and kicking and can enjoy life as well.

neilarama2017 - (5/16/2018 - 12:10pm)

Hello, I feel as if I am in a similar boat.  Stage 3B, My colleagues at work see that Imback now for several months and its like I was out with a cold and he's fine.  But none of them have read anything, let alone the older statistics.  Even my wife has like pretended this never happened.  I tell her Im real tired lately (Opdivo) and she says ya I know me too.  It's tough, unless it's happening to you, you just really don't know and understand.  Unfortunately our fears are valid to us (the ones who truely understand).  We just have to push on and try not to worry until we need to, which is easier said than done.  My son just had his 7th birthday and he really does a good job at helping me not have time to think about everything going on.

Best of luck to you and your family


Ridingaroundwith27Jennifers - (5/16/2018 - 9:00pm)

You found us!  Welcome and you are not alone.  Although the treatments are evolving and getting better this is still scary and all your thoughts and fears are valid.  No matter how much our loved ones want to support us they can't truly understand as they aren't going through it.  I'm a mom of two as well.  12 and almost 7.  The sleep deprivation of a newborn probably isn't helping your mental state.  I was a zombie when my babies were babies.  Delivering early must have been scary.  I experienced many different mental phases throughout my journey.  There was certainly shock, then fear, then I compartmentalized everything and went into a take one hurdle at a time phase.  Next came more fear and some acceptance.  I felt alone, and scared, and even a littlel bored.  Next I was frustrated and angry.  Then more acceptance.  Now I'm hopeful.  I can talk about my experience without tearing up and I can read other's stories without being drawn back to the worst of my journey.  Try to stay hopeful.  Allow yourself the space to feel.  Use the board to reach out and to vent.  You are strong and you are not alone.

Good wishes to you,


SOLE - (5/17/2018 - 11:13am)

Not being understood is certainly the hardest part for me too. Parents and partner are constantly saying move on, it’s over. And they don’t want to know about the science behind our situation. That leaves us helpless. My pathology report said 3b too in Sept 2016. I have researched more than any GP would have on my case. I found some interesting things to try to get my body back into balance but no Dr want to hear me. Like getting my elevated ferritin and DHT levels back to normal. I figure that if I am able to get the milieu back to some sort of normal, cancer may have a hard tome to recurr. But no one hears me out. I feel alone too. We all do. You are so not alone. I do all I can with alternative treatments that have some scientific ground ata the moment. I live in Canada and we do not have Opdivo for adjuvant here. Not likely to happen before many years. That adds up to my frustration. Get yourself some Opdivo if you are in the US, check ferritin and iron panel, homocysteine, esr, c-reactive protein, d-dimer, LDH of course, your thyroid function and hormonal balance. Get those back to normal. There is bound to be an imbalance for our immune systems to have let melanoma grow. Also, repair your leaky gut. We all have leaky gut in my humble opinion. Remember that our immune systems reside first and foremost in our gut.