New here.....Stage 2.....GUILT

Posted By
11/6/2017 10:29am
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Replies: 7

Fair skin, green eyes, hx of 2 severe, peeling sunburns in childhood, VERY moley......and then there are the tanning beds and a couple of winters in Central America with the BEST sunshine ever. So yeah, I am guilty of contributing to this disease and I will deal with whatever comes my way.

Took way too long to get to my question/ is about telling people I have melanoma. You know, like your uncle Henry who smoked 4 packs a day for 40 years and he gets lung cancer and everyone says, well, duh of course.

How do y'all deal with that? 

BTW, Wide Excision and SLNB tomorrow.

Thank you and I expect you will get sick of me sooner than later!!!

Hello Muphinn - Please, please don't beat yourself up over this - the really important thing here is that your mel has been discovered and the appropriate actions are being taken. I too am fair-skinned, plastered with freckles, have blue eyes and had so many blistering burns over the years, I can't count them. Yet, I don't have mel - my sister does. So, I have to think that none of us knows - who will develop mel, who won't. There most definitely are people out there who were never sun-worshippers who still developed mel.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be the last type of treatment you will ever need and if so, no doubt going forward you will be taking all precautions and being checked regularly.

I wish you the best possible outcome from tomorrow's surgery!!!


Dhva - (11/6/2017 - 2:51pm)

Hi!  My son is a blue eyed, fair skinned redhead and he has melanoma.  We have had people say exactly what you described “oh he  must have been a sun lover.” This always annoys me because he was not. I slathered him in sunscreen and made him wear T-shirt’s in the pool when he was little. He was a goalie in soccer(long sleeves and gloves...and sunscreen) He loved gaming and computers as a teen. And yet he has to deal with this.

More importantly, if he or you were sun lovers-does that mean you deserve it? I don’t think so. People say ignorant and hurtful things all the time. Don’t waste energy worrying about them or feeling guilty - save your energy for getting better!!  Better yet, feel sorry for them - there is no treatment for stupid.

Since your are new I'll say welcome although I'm sorry you have melanoma.  My situation was unique in that I had to tell co-workers because I had to go out on medical leave suddenly and unexpectedly.  I had stage IV which was undiagnosed and had a stroke waiting for the biopsy.  I was very lucky that I wasn't left with any damage from the stroke.  The stroke was due to a hypercoagulative state caused by the melanoma.  After that I was working from home and had to tell co-workers that I couldn't come into the office due to the stroke, then due to the treatment, then due to the craniotomy.  Now I just blurt out "I have cancer" that's why I have weird hair.  It takes a while to process.  Be kind to yourself.  Don't beat yourself up with guilt.  It isn't a good use of your energy or your time.  Be happy you caught it at stage II.  Try not to stress about things.  I have a big brother who spent years of his life sitting in the sun covered in baby oil.  I always wore sunscreen and look who has the melanoma.  Not the jerky oiled up big brother.  Nope - he just has some wrinkles.  I on the other hand am much less wrinkled (I'm also 13 years younger) but I'm also stage IV.  Good wishes on your Wide excision and SLNB.  


Hope all goes well with your WLE and SNLB tomorrow.  

Hat sister! welcome to the family!, we are a garden variety bunch with one major cancer in common, Melanoma. I hope yer biopsy's go smooth with NEGATIVE results. Since my fight started in 2008, iv actually had only "one" biopsy out of 7  that was Neg so, its possible!! fingers/eyes/Tee's crossed! alota folks said here already, dont feel guilt about you {with help from the Sun} possibly being the coprate behind your possible Melanoma {and by the way, where you already diagnosed?} to give a lil insight on me, i wasnt in the sun much most my life till like age 35 {you guys figure that one out, & no im not Alaskan}, however, i do believe in birth defects, my dear ol' Dad fought in Vietnam and lived, breathed, drank from water supplies infused in Dioxin {aka} Agent Orange {or Agent Blue, Green, Pink the color in the name was what color "Barrel" it happened to come in, different strengths etc..Why did melanoma start up so late in my life if it is from Dioxin? thats the question, cant ever know for sure, or prove it for that matter. I can contest, the Sun is not always the enemy & ongoing research is on my name & read my bio, it will tell you my journey thus far. Good luck sister, hopefully you wont have to pull up a chair here at MRF, neg! neg! neg!!..let us know ok? :}

Im Melanoma and my host is Mike..

Gene_S - (11/7/2017 - 10:07am)


Sorry you had to join this group but they are a great bunch for hope and answering questions you may have.  

My husband worked 40 years of basically midnights and afternoons.  His melanoma started in 2008 with a 10.5 mm mole that was on the back of his head under dark and fairly long hair.  He started at Stage III and his SNB was negative.  He later went on to Stage IV and began a clinical trial in 2011 of Yervoy 10mg/kg and GMCSF and he became NED (no evidence of disease) in July 2012 and has been NED for over 5 years.

So keep your chin up and hopefully you will be done with melanoma.

If you want to read more about his journey check out his profile.

Judy (loving wife of Gene - Stage IV and now NED for over 5 years)

Live 4 today. Thank God for all he has done for us. Looking forward to enjoying tomorrow.

Welcome friend, and I'm sorry that you are joining our fray. Please try to be kind to yourself, even if you enjoyed the sun it doesn't mean you "deserve" cancer. I too tanned way too much (youth makes us feel invincible, doesn't it?!!!) Now that we know better, we can do better. You are taking care of yourself now and we're all here to support you. Just because someone drives a car doesn't mean they will be in an accident right? Similar principle here. Sending you well wishes and kindness :)