September 12, 2010
It’s been 7 weeks since the original surgery on his leg/groin area; 2 weeks since his last surgery to fix the lymph channel/fluid leak and infection and it’s the best he has felt since this has all began. It’s a reminder that my husband, Bob didn’t feel sick or in pain when he was first diagnosed with this life threatening disease just before Father’s Day. A lump in his leg was his only warning signal to get checked, the diagnoses of stage 3c melanoma.
My husband and I were sitting in the morning sun having coffee earlier today, a beautiful day in the northwest, when he turns to look at me and says, “just one day at a time, that’s how I will try to take this. Look at this day, it’s gorgeous, take it in will you… what more could I ask for?”
Really? I could give you a list, I thought to myself… the summer vacation we had to cancel because of the surgery you had to have. Halloween decorations, which we do big every fall that take 3 months out of the year are being postponed because we don’t know what to expect because of your treatment or your health? The deck we want to build next summer. New patios added to the house? New flooring downstairs? I mean just where does this list end? We were talking of getting remarried again… planning these things, the timing, our future together? I couldn’t help wonder to myself just where this melanoma road would lead us.
A smile on his face, his blue eyes twinkling at me and I knew his heart was speaking to me. Our lives were being forced to slow down due to his health no matter how much we hated it. No matter how difficult it was for us to deal with, maybe we couldn’t do everything we wanted to, when we wanted to, maybe we had to choose what was important to us.
We both were feeling that time was our enemy now, and needed to find a way to work around it, to adjust. The secret was how… how to look at each day through eyes like a child to be explored and to not take life for granted now. To take one day at a time on a conscious level and try to leave the stress behind. How to live daily and still get the things we needed to get done and not be too greedy? Boy, do I have some personal work to do…
I love you my dear husband.
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