Struggling

Posted By
Savymoo23
8/10/2018 7:03am
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Replies: 9

Hey everyone, I just have to get this out there because I am struggling. I have such high anxiety that I can't sleep at night and I'm having such a hard time being a mom right now to my babies and it's breaking my heart.I have no patience and I'm so exhausted I can hardly do anything. I just carry such burdon with me right now. A positive thing though is my work rallied together and all donated vacation time so that I can take all next week off and my mother in law bought all brand new clothes for all the kids and new shoes. Sorry for the random rant, I just can't clear my head. Maybe a weekend by the river will help. Thanks for the vent guys 

Savannah Price

marta010 - (8/10/2018 - 8:09am)

Hi Savannah - we've all been in your shoes.  I'm glad you're getting a break next week and hope it gives you time to refocus.  My husband has been battling for 6+ years and the early days were the worst.  I learned that worrying about what might come tomorrow only cheats you out of living today.  Focusing on "one day at a time" is the way I found to calm myself.  I hope your anxiety lessens with the time away from work.  Take care.

Ann

Coragirl - (8/10/2018 - 9:31am)

Hello, I am so sorry to hear you are struggling with anxiety. My husband is the patient and I have enough anxiety for both of us! What you are going through is scary and anxiety is natural. Can you ask your doctor for a short term prescription for some anxiety medicine? Be kind to yourself right now, you don't need to be super mom. Your babies would probably be happy to snuggle up and watch a video with you. Accept help, ask for help and don't feel guilty about it. I wish you the best with your upcoming surgery and recovery.

Amie Taylor

KellyH - (8/10/2018 - 10:14am)

Hi Savannah. 

Im sorry you are going through all this. It is very difficult to process all the emotions and the anxiety sometimes. My son was diagnosed in February and my mom was passing away from breast cancer at the same time. It was really overwhelming to say the least. But somehow you do get through it all.  It takes time for the doctors to develop a plan of treatment and waiting is the hardest part. Once you have a plan and are moving forward it does get easier. I still have bad days, days when I just want to sit and cry but those days are much less frequent. It will become your new normal and you will see that this diagnosis does not control you. There is so much life to live and you can do this. I read everyone’s stories on here and how they fight everyday and I know I can do it too...my son is the patient not me, but he is young and I am going to make sure he grows to be an old man.  Stay strong. Take one day at a time and definitely take time to enjoy your life...everything else will fall into place. You found this website and this board...let everyone on here support you as well. It helps to have people who know how you feel to vent to. You got this!!!!! 

Kelly :) 

A Melanoma mom ❤️

Edwin - (8/10/2018 - 11:50am)

Savannah,

Your being afraid and unable to sleep is normal.  I had trouble sleeping in August 2014, when a deep melanoma was found in my skin and a SLN biopsy found melanoma in a lymph node.  Hopefully, your SLN biopsies will not show melanoma.  Your anxiety will become less as time passes.  In March 2016 I had melanoma in many bones, but I slept better than I did with my initial diagnose.  Much better treatments are available now for melanoma.  My bone cancer seems to be gone.  My last PET scan showed melanoma in a lymph node, but I sleep well.

Melissa M - (8/10/2018 - 4:13pm)

Wishing you peace in the middle of this storm we call cancer. I've been right where you are, and while cancer will always be an anxious thought in your mind, it lessens over time. Take it one day (or one moment) at a time. 

Joycem - (8/10/2018 - 5:52pm)

Yes, totally natural. We can certainly relate. What helped my anxiety most when waiting for my surgery was doing things I enjoy and things that are healthy to get my immune system in best shape possible; running, healthy foods, being outdoors, learned to meditate, went to some concerts. 

Prayers of friends helped me too, and reminders that you are loved and always in God’s good care. (No offense or criticism intended for those of other/no faiths)

You are a strong mama and will be just fine. 

GreggL - (8/10/2018 - 8:52pm)

Hi Savannah,

I'm sure all of us here know exaclty how you feel. I'm a big believer that knowledge is power but I noticed every time I would go online and read about melanoma it would really make me depressed. Early on in my diagnosis I really tried to keep from reading about it. Now, I've accepted it and I can read about it all day and it's not a problem. You might want to read about the "cycle of acceptance". Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining, and Acceptance. I have been through all of them and I finally accepted it. I might revisit one of the others from time to time but that is normal. I will say that if anyone ever were to get melanoma, now is a good time. There are so many new and improved medications that alot of people are responding to and they didn't have this years ago. Things are so much better that if you go online looking at survival rates, more than likely they are not current and it is really much better than what you are reading online. Much of them are so new that they still don't have alot of information on survival rates for these newer medications. Don't stress out about things you can't control. I know it's hard not to but you have to train your mind to think that way. Good luck to you. 

I went through a period where I didn't sleep well.  It took a long time to fall asleep and then I would wake up at 4am and just be up for a few hours.  I did get some sleeping pills from my dr and that helped.  I also had to go on high doses of steroids which kept me awake but when I wasn't on those I knew it was from the anxiety of the diagnosis and the ramifications of it all.  Try to breathe, try to lower expectations of a perfect mother and try to be kind to yourself.  Ask your doc for something to help you sleep if you don't need to get up with the little ones during the night.

Good wishes to you.

Jennifer

lkb - (8/11/2018 - 5:45pm)

Guided meditations help me with anxiety. My favorite source is Headspace, but there are lots of options out there. Wishing you all the best. Lisa

October 2017 primary scalp WLE; SLNB; partial neck dissection. July 2018 recurrence in neck. August 2018 second partial neck dissection. September 2018 started Nivo. December 2018 brain met + recurrence in neck.